W.I.S.
In 2015, a deadly serious virus began to sweep Northern California.
Physicians were left scratching their heads as traditional medications proved useless, with the illness spreading faster than anyone could predict or control.
In fact, the only thing stranger than the prevalence was the presentation.
Involuntary shouting, euphoria, rapid-onset sweating, and worst of all, periodic squealing.
It's W.I.S. (Warriors-Induced Squealing), and it's no laughing matter.
Cases are presented to the left, and viewer discretion is advised. This is a public service announcement alerting you, the general public, to the dangers that come with watching the Golden State Warriors.
VO
"This is a public service announcement, brought to you in part by the Golden State Warriors, and the National Basketball Association."
{Sad piano music}
"It, uhh, first happened...(pause as she cries)...I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"I've suffered around...600 attacks in the last two years."
"Warriors-induced squealing can occur at any time, and happen to anyone. Thousands of cases have been reported across America, and the condition is spreading rapidly.
Little is known about WIS, but reported symptoms include sweating, punching the air, and spontaneous high-pitched squeals."
"The first time...I remember I was asleep...and I woke up to this freakishly loud and high squeal...I thought it was the girls, but...Klay had just finished that...what was it, 32 point quarter?
......"It was 37."
"I'm a pretty regular WIS sufferer. Pretty much, I'm, uhh, on my feet whenever Steph pulls up deep, or ya know, when Draymond goes coast to coast."
"Warriors-induced squealing is certainly, uh, a fascinating, uh, phenomenon for us as medical professionals.
We're still in the early stages of research, but we were immediately drawn to the relationship between the trigger, or the game itself, and the uh, consequent results physiologically, from the brain to the heart and motor skills.
Perhaps the uh, most interesting part is the response in the male vocal chords. WIS appears to be able to, uh, cause males to vocalize roughly 2 octaves higher than normal.
That part we can't explain yet..."
"To the players and staff of the Golden State Warriors, the health and safety of fans is paramount. With that in mind, and with heavy hearts, we ask that you no longer watch our games, at home or in the arena.
If you're unable to stop, please be aware/please be aware/please be aware of Warriors-induced squealing, and the dangers it presents.
Thankyou for your attention, and Go Warriors."
VISUAL
Black and white footage throughout. Draymond Green facing the camera, serious, deadpan delivery.
Young woman facing camera, husband's arm around her. She begins to explain, but breaks down.
Middle-aged man facing camera.
Cut to Stephen Curry, in a business suit, walking along a hallway adorned with prizes and trophies, addressing camera.
Cut to husband and wife addressing camera. Deadpan. When wife gets point total wrong, husband turns and stares at her for an uncomfortably long time before correcting her.
Old man addressing camera. Cut with examples of what he's talking about in black and white/slow motion.
Doctor in lab coat in medical room. Gestures to various scans and instruments as he speaks.
After he refers to the vocal chords, he looks at the camera deadpan for a few seconds.
Team and coaching staff seated together, facing camera. Draymond Green speaks. Montage of Warrior game highlights footage. At 'please be aware', the phrase is repeated three times by three voices, one after the other.
Cut back to team and coaching staff. Steve Kerr delivers "Thank you for your attention" in a heavy, sad voice, while team looks on sadly.